Random Thoughts

I have had lots of random thoughts on my mind.  First of all I am terrified to retire.  I know that I am no where near that point in my life but it really scares me.  No job, no income.  I don’t think I can handle that.  The awful thought of retiring fills my mind lots of times a day. 

Also, I am having some issues with being frustrated.  I am frustrated about things that I can not change but I still want to.  I want to do something but I can’t, can’t even really do anything.

I am no good at house work.  Awful actually.  I hate cleaning the kitchen and the bathtub.  I think that it would be excellent if I had a maid to clean my tub.

I am terrible at making friends.  I am awkward around new people.  I think that I am less awkward when I get to know people but that takes a very long time.  I hate that I have lived here for 5 years and seriously don’t have any real friends.  I can talk to my patients like no bodies business.  I was chatting with one patient and we were having a great conversation, then I found out she used to live right next to me and just moved to the next town.  Really.  Why couldn’t I have talked to her like this before she moved.  I annoy myself. 

I really like sewing.  I am starting to be more daring (by starting I mean thinking about it).  By daring I mean don’t follow a pattern.  I am a million percent jealous of those people that can alter things and make things without any directions.  Some day I might be that cool. 

That ends my random ramblings.  Sorry you had to read this but sometimes I just need to write, and I am using this blog as a journal so it is for me more then for you!